Sunday, 22 January 2012

Forgetting how to love

Remember when i said i didn't care at all? Or something like that anyway? I still kind of dont care, but screw that as a sentence. I guess I kind of still do, otherwise I wouldn't feel a thing when I read that post of yours. You said that love at first sight and over the internet exists. Haven't we talked about this already? I used to believe that as much as you did too. But then you changed your mind as soon as you realised that the person you said you loved for more than 6 months couldn't be there with you,and that there was no point. He sent you a message one day, around a month ago I think, and you said "Well what can I say to him really?" And you left it at that cause you had a boyfriend whom you also said you loved and who probably trully loved you.
So now you say you adore this guy, his lips, his smile, everything about him, and that you knew he was special since you first saw him. I know as much as the whole internet world does, nothing less, nothing more. I saw it by accident, yes, and you could have told me if I had called you, but I didn't, so you didn't. Anyway. That's not my point. I don't know what happened between you and your ex boyfriend(right?you're not cheating on him right?)but still, I just can't get it. You've seen how this kind of relationships is, why do you keep doing that to yourself?
I don't think that what I felt is jealousy, it could be, but it most certainly wasn't. It's just this old feeling of what is left from you in me. To be honest, if I think about it that way, I can't even see why I liked you. I mean, I never found you amazingly beautiful. In theory, perhaps. I didn't found you incredibly funny or kind,either. None of this. Which is weird.
Not talking to you is the best way to distance myself from all this. I don't want to think about you, I want for just this once to think about me. That's one of the reasons I want to live abroad. Getting away from this. Making a new start. It is probably going to help, right?
Reading my old posts feels weird. Obviously I've spent months wrriting about you. Right now, when I listen to sad songs I don't think about a certain person. I can't. I think mostly about hypothetical situations. Like my friend the other day, while watching One Day: "I want this. I want to feel and experience things like this." I don't know how to end this post, because I forgot what I originally wanted to say. Bye I guess. Hope things will get better.

2 comments:

  1. Hmmm, wonder who that friend is.
    Also, HE HAS A BLOG?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No,he has tumblr and he wrote that there

      Delete

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