YOU

Screw that. You know what's even more disappointing than not picking up the phone? Picking it up. Cause out of nowhere, you end up hearing things you wish you had not. You said you weren't coming back, and since it was a lie, I asked you why and I expected a satisfying answer. You said you were bored. Bored of what? Of talking to me? Of your life? Bored of what? You said you wanted to get on my nerves, to have a laugh. Have a laugh at me? I explained again how much it broke my heart hearing that you left and that you were not coming back. It's not something to make fun of, it's so important to me. I asked you to at least pretend that you're happy to hear me, and the only thing you had to say was what? That I knew you weren't sentimental on that kind of subjects. Oh come on! Spare me the details I know. I'm not the kind of girl that says one thing and means another, I said it right there and then, that I wanted you to just say that you were that tiny bit happier than before that you were talking to me. We haven't spoken in such a long time and -bear with me here- I was such a good friend to you; I can't imagine anything more I could have done to either be there for you or to help you, it was always about you you know, I'm asking you to show some gratitude, just for once, because I deserve at least, and it's the only thing I'm sure of right now. And then what? You said you're not talking much on the phone, you prefer to talk in person. (Well,this is a new one, careful how to use it.) I asked you to hang out with me (not as in go out with me but you know, catch a movie, talk a bit) and you asked if we were going to be alone? Of course we're going to be alone, I haven't seen you in months, we've fought a lot, I can't bring you to my friends as a friend anymore, I don't even know how to talk to you anymore. Are you afraid of me? What can I do to you? We're not even talking when we're with my friends anyway! I'm not talking with my friends about "their stuff" cause it's their stuff, and we're not talking about "your stuff" cause a)it's your stuff b)you've complained millions of times how you're not a talky person when you go out. So that leaves me with no options. You don't talk to me on the phone. You don't wanna go out with me alone. You can't talk to me in front of my friends. We're never going out with your friends. When we do, we go out with your boyfriends, so we don't talk then either. You said last time we went out we talked. And yes, before or after your boyfriend left? Oh yes after. Let me see... we talked about going to Canada, and we talked about wanting to be pilot, and we talked about how I'm going to build your house when I become an architect. Oops, sorry, does that count? Because that was when I was babbling alone when you were talking with your boyfriend(ten minutes after he left) about what he's going to wear for that party he was going to. Yes he was just the sweetest person in the world, I know. And yes I have a pretty good memory cause that was around Christmas. I know, you don't remember a thing, right? Yeeeah.
How much worse can it get?
Oh please. We found the solution! He'll bring that girl from school that also knows about him being gay and accepts him for who he is. (Yes, because you know, I don't accept it, and I'm pretending to be cool about it.) And who knows everything, as you do not forget to point out. Like everything, everything, as you continue pointing out. (Everything more than me right? That's why you're saying like that?) Of course she knows more than you, I see her everyday, I see her at school and me and you haven't talked in ages. (And whose fault was that? Did you ever try to talk to me, and I was not there?) And she'd like to meet you, cause I've told her about you too. Yes, I'd love that, she sounds so lovely and I think I like her already. NO. Just no. Not even in a parallel universe. Why would I want to know her? I'm ok with your bfs and everything, I don't wanna know a random girl that you so openly say you trust more than me, and hang out with her the only night I have off in more than two weeks. Just no.
Of course I said yes at last. And I'm so ashamed of myself for getting into this again. And for writing down, cause it makes me sound like a jealous bitch, but you know what? Maybe I am. I thought our friendship was special, we both had something to look for in each other, we both trusted each other with important things, I honestly wanted to believe I was the one you wanted to talk to when you felt lonely, I thought I was the only one who could see the real you, I thought that you respected me and that you valued our friendship above everything else, I thought that you could see me too for who I am, when you obviously did not. And I'm tired of this, I'm fed up with you and your silly lies and excuses, I just wish you couldn't hurt me you bastard. I may be a selfish bitch, but who are you to hurt me like that.
I wish you had not come back because then at least you wouldn't add one more scar to my life and I would have truly let go.
Thanks for ruining my day and my week and my year and who knows? Maybe my life.

EXTREMELY DEPRESSED

Here we go...

Alright, it's me complaining once again. This is going to be a long post and if you're not prepared to read my comments on people being awful, just don't read this.
First of all, there are boys my age(17-18) that obviously don't have brains in their heads. They lack common sense, and yes it's common sense that if you throw chalk pieces to some of your classmates you might actually hit other people too. And yes my eyebrow is THAT close to my eye. And yes, you might have hit me by accident, but I could have lost my eye just by accident you fool. So fuck off, cause even if you admitted you can't live without causing problems to the class, you'll have to breathe the same air with me 6 hours per day for the rest of the year. And trust me, I want both my eyes, it's not that I change them every now and then. And no, it's not that it's the first time this has happened, it's a common phenomenon, but it's the second day in the row that I'm being hit on the face near my eyes,and I'm not the only one, and our teachers have done nothing about it. Don't piss me off mate.
Second thing that got me extremely angry today was that old man chasing that dog with his stick to hit him. Why would anyone do that? We're supposed to live in a cultured society, cultured enough to have charities and organisations that help those of our own kind, but who are we to hit animals or express any other form of not showing respect to them? They are as alive as we are,they have minds and souls. They feel things. And under the same logic, why should I respect you old man, if you don't respect a helpless-more or less-creature? You know what? A dog has the right to want to fuck your dog or whatever, perhaps you yourself may have wanted to fuck someone at least once in your stupid little life, it's not a reason to theaten him you're going to kill him. He probably does not even understand why you're doing it, since your dog is not there with you at the time, and since he's lived right there for at least two years(that I've been passing outside that exact same building). And yes I did stop and talked to him, risking getting hit-he started shouting to me for absolutely no reason,telling me I'm stupid and that I don't understand,and that what he's doing with the dog is none of my business. Which brings me to my next point, that noone else passing by cared. NOONE CARES ABOUT ANYTHING THESE DAYS. What the hell is wrong with the world we live in? Why is that noone has the courage to speak up their minds? Or is it that they don't think at all? Noone cared about the dog(he was chasing him around the block-it was ridiculous), noone cared about me and the old man, noone cared when that motorcycle hit me, noone cared about what happened with that kid at school(except for his friend that saw what happened and told him he was wrong and then the other one told him something along the lines of:what the fuck you're supposed to be my friend, asshole), noone cares about anything. It just makes me angry and sad, but mostly angry.
Tell me just one thing: WHY?