Monday, 27 June 2011

Nouvelle Vague - Sweet And Tender Hooligan

Everyday I tell myself that you're no longer a big part of me.

Everyday I tell myself that you're no longer a big part of me. Sometimes I really believe it, sometimes I actually think that you don't mean a god damn thing to me. Every time that thought appears I feel relieved, I feel less vulnerable, it feels like you can't affect me anymore.

I've repeated this thought so many times that I've almost made it true. At the same time it makes me so freaking scared of moving forward, cause what happens when you stop loving someone? What happens when you someday wake up and realize that this person actually doesn't mean anything to you? How can you manage to go from 1000 to 0. Cause that day will eventually come. The only thing you have left is the beautiful memories that you hopefully will carry with you your whole life. But I'm so afraid of that day coming, because I don't want it to. I don't want it to happen because I want to love. Love you.

 Problem is,i don't exactly have those beautiful memories. Not of me, not of you, and definitely not of us.

Sunday, 26 June 2011

Johnny Flynn and Laura Marling - The Water

You see this is all we need.A couple of smokes,a cup of coffee and a little bit of conversation.You and me and five bucks.

There was a time when I could still have you. In any kind of way,I could still have you. And then you built that wall between us. And I did too,but that doesn't count.
And I learnt to take joy from helping people. From helping you. And my brother started suffering. And he wrote poems. And those poems could be for you and me back then,but they can't be any more.

And now,when i watch a movie,I don't see you and me anymore. Cause that can never be,but more importantly,it never was.

And if I tell you that I hate you,it's probably because I'll always hate that part of me that loved you. And still does. You see this is all we need. A couple of smokes,a cup of coffee and a little bit of conversation. You and me and five bucks.
I wish I was Lainie and you were Troy. Or maybe not.

Can you stop this pain?

~I know it's over
And it never really began
But in my heart it was so real
You even spoke to me and sai:
"If you're so funny
Then why are you on your own tonight?
And if you're so clever
Then why are you on your own tonight?
If you're so very entertaining
Then why are you on your own tonight?
If you're so very good-looking
Why do you sleep alone tonight?
I know...
cause tonight is just like any other night
That's why you're on your own tonight
With your triumphs and your charms
While they're in each other's arms..."
It's so easy to laugh
It's so easy to hate
It takes strenght to be gentle and kind~

Oh mother,I can feel the soil falling over my head.

Friday, 24 June 2011

You're a jerk,jerk,JERK,but I like the sound of your voice.

So basically,that's it. You're a jerk.
It's been so long. Not since I last saw you-for the first time I'm talking about something else. It's been so long since I had something to actually say to you. I mean the kind of thing you do when you meet friends and you say lots of different stuff? That. Doesn't. Happen. To. Me. Everytime I want to talk to you, the message list just stands there starring back at me. My mind goes blank and there is nothing in the world i have left to say to you.
Some part of me,literally wants to hurt you. Kill you perhaps. You killed me first. So do me a favour and die today for just this once,since you already know i'm on my bitter days. Those days you feel that punch on the stomach and you wanna die,you plan the perfect death,but there is something missing. And on those days you love more. And hate more. And the line between the two fades,and you find yourself fighting the only person who you have ever really loved. You can almost understand the truth at those times,but you dont wanna believe it. That person does n o t care about you at all. No matter what you do.
The other part of me wants to forget you even exist. Quite harsh, I know, but trust me, we would be both so better off without all those messy situations. Your mere existence can so easily bring to my life insufferable pain. And you don't do a single thing to ease that pain.

"I could be somewhere else
I should be someone else
But you wouldn't know me if I was"

Johnny Flynn always puts my thoughts on beautiful songs. Songs you'll never listen.