Tuesday, 24 January 2012


You probably won't notice this unless I tell you,but I've deleted some of my old posts. Mainly meaningless posts, non-reviews that pretended to be reviews, and more importantly, HACHIKO. Yep. Getting more than 2000 views all time on my stats pissed me off, so I decided to finally do this.
On another note, I watched One Day as I have mentioned on my last post if I'm not mistaken, and The tree of life-I bet the whole twitter world is bored listening to me talking endlessly about it- and today I finally watched Crazy, Stupid, Love and Waiting for forever. Yes, you've guessed it right, cross the odd one out. The tree of life. Beautiful yet pointless. Meant to be meaningful but got boring in the process. I can't see how critics can call this a masterpiece for any reason.
The other three, love stories. I'm planning on doing a video movie review for each one of them. Let's just say that I loved One Day and Waiting for forever, except for the ending. Love stories in real llife don't have happy endings. I stopped believing in fairytales a long time ago. Tom Sturridge is like the best man in the world, the best of them all... I've said this again, I'm repeating myself. I know that he's just an actor and that that's not him, and that he's acting and all that, but I'd really like to believe that he's that way himself. After all, understanding how a person feels is much more normal than understanding a fictional character, the hero of a movie. Everything he said in Waiting for forever, every single word of it, spoke straight to my heart. It was like hearing my own thoughts, and reliving things and situations, but oh no she made him promise but then she loved him back. If you haven't seen the movie you won't know what I'm talking about. But love stories don't always end like this.
And then it got me thinking about the good/bad love letters. Have I ever asked anything in return? Maybe I have. I went back to the tefl site, I bet half of you know what I'm saying and half of you don't. But anyway. My account is just not there. Not under my name or any other username I've ever used. Nor my email. Is this for real? What happened? All I wanted was to read my old bad love letters to that person, and perhaps his answers. I thought that I would be able to finally understand why he did what he did, why he said what he said. But now I can't because it's gone,lost forever.

Sunday, 22 January 2012

Forgetting how to love

Remember when i said i didn't care at all? Or something like that anyway? I still kind of dont care, but screw that as a sentence. I guess I kind of still do, otherwise I wouldn't feel a thing when I read that post of yours. You said that love at first sight and over the internet exists. Haven't we talked about this already? I used to believe that as much as you did too. But then you changed your mind as soon as you realised that the person you said you loved for more than 6 months couldn't be there with you,and that there was no point. He sent you a message one day, around a month ago I think, and you said "Well what can I say to him really?" And you left it at that cause you had a boyfriend whom you also said you loved and who probably trully loved you.
So now you say you adore this guy, his lips, his smile, everything about him, and that you knew he was special since you first saw him. I know as much as the whole internet world does, nothing less, nothing more. I saw it by accident, yes, and you could have told me if I had called you, but I didn't, so you didn't. Anyway. That's not my point. I don't know what happened between you and your ex boyfriend(right?you're not cheating on him right?)but still, I just can't get it. You've seen how this kind of relationships is, why do you keep doing that to yourself?
I don't think that what I felt is jealousy, it could be, but it most certainly wasn't. It's just this old feeling of what is left from you in me. To be honest, if I think about it that way, I can't even see why I liked you. I mean, I never found you amazingly beautiful. In theory, perhaps. I didn't found you incredibly funny or kind,either. None of this. Which is weird.
Not talking to you is the best way to distance myself from all this. I don't want to think about you, I want for just this once to think about me. That's one of the reasons I want to live abroad. Getting away from this. Making a new start. It is probably going to help, right?
Reading my old posts feels weird. Obviously I've spent months wrriting about you. Right now, when I listen to sad songs I don't think about a certain person. I can't. I think mostly about hypothetical situations. Like my friend the other day, while watching One Day: "I want this. I want to feel and experience things like this." I don't know how to end this post, because I forgot what I originally wanted to say. Bye I guess. Hope things will get better.

Tuesday, 17 January 2012

Prrrretty profound

Let's just start by saying that it wasn't fair for neither of us. From the moment I said I liked you, I never thought about letting go. Who thinks about that anyway? I loved you with my whole heart, I honestly did. Not from the very beginning, I only liked you back then. And I was in love. And then I started trying more, loving you more.
I don't know what love is, I don't know how it works. The only thing that I'm sure of,is that I never even stood a chance with you. You were never really my friend if you think about it. I never saw you completely the way I pretended to. Perhaps that's what I am, a pretentious human being.
You needed a friend, somebody to trust when noone was there for you, and I needed you. You as in you, in any kind of way. And I liked the fact that you trusted me, it seemed right, and it felt right to be your friend. The friend who knows your big secrets when nobody else does. If you could go back in time and tell my 15-year-old self that there would be a time that you would pick up the phone and call me, or go out with me or even think about me, I wouldn't believe you. Who would have guessed?
And now it's your turn to get mad at me. Cause am a shitty friend for all I know. We haven't spoken for weeks. You told me a thousant times to call you back and I didn't. Sometimes I wanted to, but I didn't. I said I couldn't but I don't know to what extent that's true. I just had other things to do. Studying, going out, watching movies, but not calling you. And I don't even feel bad about it. I feel bad that i don't feel bad about it, though. It's really selfish, isn't it? That makes me both pretentious and selfish. Oh god, what does that even mean? I don't care about anything right now. I want to fall in love again,I need to fall in love again,but I can't. I need to feel alive. I'm afraid of myself. I want this all to be over, without knowing the ending of the story. Do I ask too much?

Tuesday, 3 January 2012

Updates on life

Sorry blogger for ignoring you. Also hello new subscriber/commenter/friend! :)
I didn't go to that Maths exam and I hilariously failed at(?) Physics. I had studied though,but that's another thing.
Did I mention we DID start a collab channel? Like,TODAY? We were supposed to start yesterday but oh well,studying got in the way. I chose Tuesday in order to avoid being the one uploading things first and suggesting themes, but seems like I ended up to be exactly that. For now at least. You should go and watch that though, cause I didn't want to make it, but I did, and I tried so hard not to seem TOO bored and tired. We're called CrazyCollaboratory and I guess you can find that through my channel as well. I also ended up saying wrong the only thing that was decided from the start:the order in which we're going to do videos. Which was NOT a good start.
And now I think I've used too many capitals in this post,but not really. I'm out. Probably going to watch a movie if I find a tiny little bit of time.
'Santa' brought me a book about DA VINCI. And it's bloody AMAZING.
Tim I'm incredibly sorry but I still haven't got your book. I don't even know what it's going to be yet,I do have something on my mind though.