Every time I tried to think what to write in my next post, I always ended up writing something different. I guess I'll just start writing and see how it goes. It's just that, right now, things are weird in every fucking way.
The past few months have been full of surprises for Greece. Not nice ones, I may assure you. Now, when I'm asking mum the classic 'How are you', I almost always get that answer: 'Nobody's fine, didn't you hear the news?'
And that's not the answer I want to get. Our tv is turned on waiting for the big news. Every day is the big day, the day of the important decisions, and the day that it will be decided whether our country will go bankrupt or not. And it's more or less the same for the past few months. We don't know what's going to happen next. I'm not the kind of person that would protest on the street, but I'm not that excited about the latest decisions either. I just want to graduate and go to university. Thing is, we don't even know if Greece will be a thing till then. And if not, I'm not going to graduate. And if I'm not, I'm not going to study in England. Cause if I am going to graduate, I'm going to get those grades even if it's the second toughest thing I'll ever do in my life, and I'm going to England. Aaaah. Please, people, don't destroy my dreams.
On an almost unrelated note, life's been shit in general. The past two weeks have been incredibly difficult for no actual reason, but I think I went through one of the worst emotional breakdowns of the past few months. Even when I manage to calm down at last, there's always a little thing that will randomly pop up and destroy everything. Last week I wrote a 90% in Maths and I was all happy about it, came back home, mum was angry with my brother-i think- and so she yelled at me for absolutely no reason. It wasn't that important as a thing on it's own, but after a shit week and only a moment of happiness...well it ruined everything that day. Moving on from that I managed to calm down again and get through another week, plus to write a 90-95%(as I estimate) on Physics yesterday. You know, I get all happy when I'm doing well in tests and stuff, because I'm not always trying that hard, and I'm not doing proper revision, so it's like a real achievement. Sooo, a-certain-someone-you-know who got to inform me that no, he couldn't go out with me to the cinema, because he was meeting me in the afternoon. Not really though, because, honestly, I was studying at the time,and he just used me as a cover to meet with his boyfriend. I don't think I really care about people lying to their parents that they're going out with me and a friend of mine, because after all that's what friends are for, right? What I do care about, however, is that it's really fucked up not being able to find some time to fit me in their schedule in order to really see me in person every once in a while. If you want a friend as a cover, they have to at least keep in touch with me,you know? Like real friends do? You are fucked up, I'm fucked up, we're all fucking fucked up. Let's just be honest for this once, shall we? Why do you keep doing this to me? Why do I keep staying here doing nothing?
Someone asked me if I still love you. Or,well, they didn't exactly ask, they said more of a 'You still have true feelings for him..." without a question mark. But do I? Really? It's something way deeper than that, and way more different. I've always been confused whether I hated you or loved you. And I... I still am. To be honest though, there was only one person in the world that I wanted to see last night. And that definitely wasn't you.